In All My Bitterness
by wrecked
Summary: AU&OC After five years, you'd expect everyone to be over each other, and for all those grudges to be forgotten. After five years, everyone should have moved on by now. If you break a girl's heart, she'll still feel it if you see her 3 years later.
1. Good Riddance

Author: Wrecked

Title: In All My Bitterness

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the Nagoyas, Taryn, and all the handymen. Shuyin and Tengaki are my sister's. .Hack and it's characters belong to whoever made them.

Rating: R for language, mature themes and mature humor.

Pairing: Read and find out. (not what you thii-iinkk)

Takes-Place: Alternate Universe, sort of - After all the series and in reality.

Summary: Whoever said seeing past lovers after years was like adding salt to the wound couldn't have said it any better. "If you break a girls heart, she'll still feel the heartbreak when seeing you 3 years later."

Note: I've decided to have an original character be the one the story is centered on, so I can focus on having all the .Hack characters being portrayed from an outsider mind. It's easier to get through events and shiiiiiiit. mmmk.

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**Prologue: Good Riddance**

Anissa cupped the water in her hands, then splashed it on her face. Grabbing at a towel with closed eyes, she dried off the water dripping from her nose and chin. Looking at herself in the dirty and old mirror, she eyed her silvery and long blonde locks of hair. She had kept it long, and she hadn't regretted the decision yet. It was to her lower back and layered, with different streaks of white blonde and dusty blonde all over -- the natural highlights her hair had taken to over the period of her life.

Tugging on a particularly light strand of blonde - almost white - she wondered if she'd ever get professional highlights done.

Anissa grabbed a black cloth off the rack and whiped away the remains of her black eyeliner. She never stopped washing it off before bed ever since she'd gotten into the habit when she was 13 (thanks to Alyssa for bringing it to her knowledge that leaving her make up on over night would eventually result in bad and wrinkly skin.)

Glancing into her own eyes briefly (which were still the same crystal blue), Anissa dropped the cloth on the rim of the sink and turned out of the bathroom. Tossing off her laidback flip flops, and grabbing a blanket off the nearest chair, Anissa jumped onto her small, twin sized bed with a sigh. Her room was rarely ever below 70 degress, night or day, so she wore knee length basketball shorts and a black muscle shirt.

Grabbing the card tucked under her pillow, she read the words all over again, for what seemed like tenth time that day.

_You are invited to witness the graduation of..._

Anissa just couldn't decide whether to blow all her savings for a trip, yet.

Folding the paper back in half, she tucked the card under her pillow again, and rolled onto her side. Her skin was barely a shade darker, but still remarkably pale, and she only had an inch to show for the single year that passed. Glancing at an aged picture on the make shift bed stand (a pile of college books she never returned), she smiled at the faces grinning back at her. All of the 'Hackers' were in the picture, caught in almost embarassing positions, or expressions. They had some random guy walking snap the shot whenever he felt like it, and it couldnt have turned out to be a better picture of the Hackers.

_Hackers..._

_It was the last picture taken before Balmung had left on his business trip to England. Before we all started to actually break apart..._ Hell. Anissa could never forget that day. It was one of the worst days of her life, if not the second worst (nothing could top the day of Korosu). When everything went wrong.

It had taken years and many arguements, and fights, for them become so strong. And it had taken less than half the time for it all to disappear.

But fuck, if they didn't want to fucking stay together, and stay in touch with her after only a year, that was fine with her. She didn't fucking need them anyway...

So it was decided. If they didn't try and keep in contact with her while she was in America '_studying abroad', _she wasn't going to try and keep in touch with them, either. She wasn't going to go to her ex-best friend's graduation party. Ha. _See if I care about you guys in four years, when _I_ graduate. You won't be getting any party invites from me..._

Tossing around and settling on her stomach, Anissa crossed her arms under her head and fell asleep. She dreamt of that day. The one where her sister left.

_Nope... not me.._

-//-

_Half of Anissa couldn't believe it. The other half of her did but didn't want to, by any means. It was numbing, and she felt her world slow when she heard it confirmed. _

_The group was supposed to stay together, for a long time. Live happily ever after, no matter how cheesy and corny it sounded. Have those bi-weekly hang outs where everyone - all six or seven of them (depending on whether or not Taryn showed up) - just met up at someone's house. Not for food, or for a party, but just to be themselves with everyone there. The group was supposed to grow old, or become adults together (granted, three of them already were adults.)_

_They were supposed to become the godparents, or 'aunt/uncle' of each other's kids, and spoil the brats to death. _

_Crash at each other's place, when the goings got rough, or money got to be too much. _

_Not move and scatter across the Earth._ We weren't supposed to move apart.

_Anissa crossed her legs while she sat in one of the airport terminal chairs, and looked over her shoulder. Why the hell did this have to happen?_

_Her sister was the one leaving first, too, in the early morning at 3. Of all people, she had to lost her sister first? Granted, Anissa knew she'd say the same thing, no matter who else it would have been, but this one took the cake. Her sister. Anissa never thought her sister would be the one to take initiative and haul ass out of Tokyo._

_But then again, Balmung didn't exactly leave her with warning. He just left. On another 'business trip'. One that apparently had turned into a permanent, one way trip. Meaning, he wasn't planning on coming back to Tokyo. _

_Not even for Alyssa. _

_So, after turning down his offer to join him in a foreign country, Alyssa decided to take a plane to another part of Japan - one more remote than Big Tokyo. For good. _

_Alyssa was sitting across from her, as if waiting for Anissa to speak her mind. But Anissa was in to sullen of a mood to speak. To even drown her thoughts in her iPod. _

"Flight 834 to North Japan boarding now."

_"That's my flight."_

_Anissa jumped at the sound of her sister's calm voice, and looked up from studying her cuticles. Alyssa gaze was expectant and hesitant, as if waiting for Anissa, but wary of her own words. _

_After Anissa looked away, still silent, Alyssa stood up and hefted her back onto her shoulder. Almost all of her belongings were already on their way to the plane. Her backpack was the only thing she kept with her._

_When her big sister stepped by her chair, something inside Anissa snapped, and she spun around. "Wait!" Using her arms to give her an extra boost off the seat, Anissa bolted towards her sister. Even though she had stopped and turned at Anissa's voice, Anissa wrapped her arms around Alyssa's body and rooted her feet to ground as if her sister were trying to pull away._

_That hug was the longest and tightest hug Anissa could ever remember her sister giving her. _

_The last hug Anissa could remember her sister giving her._

_Then she remembered Rena leaving, that same day. Only, of course, it was at a much later flight - at 1:15. She was heading to Spain, on a desire to learn about the spanish culture. _

_Tengaki followed suit a week later, and Taryn drove off without letting anyone catch onto her plans of freedom. She went to the South, and told everyone from her new apartment that she was gone. _

_Shugo was the last person to see her. She was leaving for a plane in America, and he said the words she wanted to hear the most. The words she never heard from anyone else, when they were leaving, except from him._

_"I love you, Nissi. Come back. Eventually." _

_But she never did. And she never said 'I love you' back to him._

_Anissa regretted it every day._

[Four years later

Fumbling with the keys with her right hand, she growled through the stack of envelopes in her mouth. Balancing a soda and a wrapped cheeseburger in her left hand, Anissa mentally berated herself for deciding on an apartment with a disagreeable door. Snorting at the way her now shoulder length blonde hair seemed to find the right place in front of her face, Anissa regretted the spontaneous decision to cut her hair for the first time. She wondered why she ever followed through with the idea. She wonder why she followed through with _any _idea she had, actually. Twisting the handle and using the best of her full hips, the door swung open with a loud slam.

"Dammff riiightt fitchh," she mumbled. Kicking at the clothes on the floor, creating a pile in a corner, Anissa tossed the cheeseburger onto her bed. Spitting out the mail onto a counter, she took a drink of her soda as she surveyed the mess that was her room.

With a shrug, she sat down on a bar stool at the counter to look at what new mail she had that day.

"Don't care... I really don't want to know about MTV... I'm not interested in a new home... --" Anissa looked over her shoulder briefly. "--yet." Tossing the real estate envelope among the others in the trash, Anissa looked at the last letter. She groaned. "Not another fucking graduation letter..." How many had she gotten in the past six months? Three?

Pushing back a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear, Anissa flipped over the thickly embroidered paper. Ripping open the back, and pulling out the card, Anissa started to smile, proud of herself. _I _knew_ it was another graduation invitation. _She was already dismissing the option of attending. What difference would it make if she went, anyways? If she never said bye, it would give herself and her friend's a reason to see each other again.

Anissa picked up her soda again, and drank from the straw while reading.

_You are invited to witness the joining of ..._

Anissa barely registered the sound of soda and ice spilling across her hardwood floor.

"MARRIED?!"

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**thereyouhaveit.**

**READ AND REVIEW, PLEASE.**

-realityis.


	2. Papercut

**Chapter One: Papercut**

There was a spew of curses that spilled out of Anissa's mouth, as she packed her bags. After much thought, and convincing from a few of her local friends, Anissa agreed to attend the wedding. Only for her father-in-law to be. _Only_ for him.

It was still relatively early in the morning -- for Anissa's taste anyways -- and Anissa had two hours before her flight was due at 10. After throwing the first clothes that she saw (that were clean, anyways) in her suitcase, Anissa huffed at the mess that was her room, her hands on her hips. She really needed to clean it, before she left, much to her displeasure. Who knew what kind of animals or bugs would take to her place while she was gone?

Deciding to just pack all of her favored clothes (and growling at herself for never folding things and just shoving them in places) then to just throw out all the food in her fridge, Anissa set to work. When she finished, she fell back onto her bed. There was a ache in her muscles and bones, begging for more sleep. She rested with her arms and legs stretched out and her eyes closed, then looked at the clock.

_9:24_

_Damnit!_ It took twenty minutes to get to the airport on a _good_ traffic day. _Fuck._ Rolling off of her bed at a speed that almost caused her to land on her face, Anissa grabbed her backpack and her suitcase and ran out the door._ I should have booked a later flight. I _really _should have booked a later flight!_

"Jamie, you better be awake!" she shouted. Oh, she was going to murder him, if he wasn't awake and ready to leave. He was her fucking ride, for... for... for fuck's sake!

-//-

Anissa stepped off the plane with a smile. One of the flight attendants had been hilarious. Beyond funny. He had only been three years her junior at the age of nineteen, but nice enough to get rid of her sour mood. _And give me his number, too_, she thought with a brief glance at the napkin in her right hand.

Jamie had been ready, but his car, apparently, opted to piss her off by stalling. By the time she had gotten to the airport, it was the 'last call' for her flight. Needless to say, Jamie was given the duty of helping her 'run' her bags to the terminals. His foul mouthed complaints weren't any help, and only added to her mood.

_But the flight attendant changed that for me._

Retrieving her bags from the luggage compartment, she headed for the exit, already prepared to flag down a taxi. Anissa wondered if she still remembered the streets as well as she used to know them.

A week before, Anissa had called her mother and asked if she could impose for a week at her home, and had received an almost too excited response. So, while she was in town for two weeks, she would be staying at her mother's home. Her _old_ home. Anissa grudgingly reminded herself that, five years ago when she left, she told herself (and many others) that she would never go back to living there. In that same cold and empty mansion that she grew up in.

_And look at me now. I fucking _asked_ to stay there. _

Putting the straps of her backpack over her shoulders, Anissa grimaced at how much busier Tokyo was outside of the Airport. America never could compare to the crammed Tokyo streets. _I might as well start walking there. I'd get there much faster than by a fucking car. _Throwing her head back in an exasperated groan, she closed her eyes. Anissa mentally praised herself for remembering to wear a jacket for the chilliness of Tokyo, Japan. _But I forgot how fucking_ busy _Tokyo waaas!_

After walking for ten minutes, and covering hardly any ground, she finally found a Taxi, happy to shove her bag in the trunk. Muttering a few phrases in quick, precise Japanese, Anissa sat back as the driver sped off. As he was weaving through the traffic using backstreets, Anissa noticed that she picked a smart driver. Anissa was having a good, lucky day, now.

Chucking a bunch of money at the driver when he stopped at the driveway, she grabbed her bag from the back of the trunk. Idly, she watched the car disappear into the streets. Anissa squinted her eyes when a gust of wind attacked her, forcing her short hair into her face, and turned back to the large house before her.

_Welcome home,_ she thought, as she began the trek up the long driveway.

-//-

"You mean to tell me that you guys don't sell the cinnamon-raisin bread anymore?"

Anissa was standing at one of the counters in a fifteen year old bread store-restaurant place. Kirinata's Bread. It was her favorite place when she used to live there. They sold the best hot chocolate and cinnamon-raisin bread she'd ever had in her life. Or, they used to, anyways.

Her mother had kindly left the front door unlocked, and greeted her in the main hall. Anissa wouldn't have recognized the room, if her mother hadn't pointed it out. It wasn't perfectly dusted and furnished, like it used to be. Before, it looked like her mother was trying to impress whoever had made the poor decision to step into her home, but now... it didn't even look like her old home...

Now, it looked like her mother actually _lived_ in the house.

A few awkward hugs, and small conversations later, Anissa learned that her sister lived in Tokyo, again; Shugo was still in southern Japan, and Rena had never left Spain. Tengaki had later joined Shugo, and Balmung... Her mother never said, and abruptly changed the subject when Anissa mentioned the white haired man.

She was told to choose whatever unnoccupied room of the house she wanted (and she had chosen her old room, of cource) then free to do whatever she wanted. Granted permission to take one of the cars (yes, _one_ of the cars, meaning her mother had six cars in all), Anissa took it upon herself to revisit the places of her childhood.

Kirinata's Bread had been the first place on her mental list.

The teenager sighed once more, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands, flinching when Anissa slapped her hand down, demandingly. "No," she started, "we haven't had them ever! I've worked here for three years, and they've never been here. Now, could you please tell me if there is anything you would like with your hot chocolate?"

Anissa crossed her arms, and sent the girl a look of pure annoyance. Eyeing the girls long and straight blonde hair, the popped collar, and the silver bracelets running up her arm, Anissa started to speak again. "I used to come here ever since the day this joint opened up, girlie, and I know the routine attitude you're supposed to give customers. Hell, I used to _work _here, before this place even got _big,_ so don't you talk to me like you know this place better than I do. You know what -- get me a bagel and cream cheese - Asiago, sliced, and fat free-" Anissa looked at the girl name tag, "_please, Miyako._"

The girl squared her jaw and shifted her weight to her other hip, not moving towards the bagels. It was when Anissa raised her eyebrow and Miyako looked over Anissa's shoulder that Miyako finally began to prepare her hot chocolate and bagel. With a smile of victory and a sarcastic 'thanks', Anissa paid for the food, and turned around with her tray in hand.

Stopping in her tracks, she blinked at the old man in front of her. "You still have the same attitude, Anissa."

Her face broke into a grin before she could help it, and she hurriedly set down her tray. "Kirinata-san!" Without hesitation, she ducked her head in respect then threw her hands around the old man's neck. "I thought you'd have died by now!"

He chuckled, and returned the hug with a smile. "You're still as rude as ever, too." Picking up Anissa's tray, he gestured to a nearby table with his wrinkled, spotted free hand. "I haven't seen you in years, little one."

Accepting the invitation, she sat down across from the old man and started talking.

Ten minutes into the conversation, he waved his hand at her to stop, and interrupted her. "You went to America when you were 17 -- and only had two years of the English language to get by?" he shook his head then, "What guts you had, even then."

"Well, I wasn't going to spend two years spending all my money on english lessons. It was a 'now or never' kind of thing." She brought the rim of the ceramic cup to her mouth, and took a sip of the drink. "Besides. I'm glad I went. I may not be talking to just about everyone from good old Japan, but my life in America isn't bad. I've only got about a year before I graduate for good -- I'm taking another two years, by choice -- and when I do, I'll have a professional photography job waiting for me."

Looking up from spreading cheese on her bagel, Anissa noticed the calculating stare he was giving her, with his chin resting on his knuckles. Sitting back in her chair, and straightening her spine, she narrowed her eyes.

"What?"

"You don't talk to any of them?"

_Oh. _That's_ why he was lookin at me all weird. _"No; not anymore."

There was a look of disappointment in his eyes that stayed as he shook his head. "Not even your sister?" His voice seemed so hopeful yet confused that it almost killed Anissa to look him in the eyes. Kirinata-san was a man nothing short of kind and concerned.

The reminder of her sister provoked an involuntary roll of the eyes. No matter where she went, her sister was almost always brought up. It was as if she wouldn't exist to most of the people in the world, if her sister wasn't around. She hated that.

"No." Anissa paused, tighting her hold around the warm cup. The look he gave her then almost seemed expectant, waiting for more to the answer. _Kirinata-san doesn't need to know that Alyssa was the first to stop contacting me. Not yet, anyways._ "Why do you ask?" _Stupid, stupid. Never ask an elder _why, _never!_

There was an almost ... hurt look in his eyes. "You two were just two faces that an old man can't forget. The kind of sisters that you remember together, not individually." He clasped his hands together, resting them on the tabletop. It seemed like he was looking for the right words to say, but Anissa spoke before he could get them out.

"We never had that telepathy thing goin' for us, and it wasn't like we were at our best when we were with each other... so I don't get what was so great about --"

"You two had the unspoken rule that you were two different people - not one. And neither of you felt as if it was a duty, a responsibility to do all the sisterly deeds for one another. You two were basically friends. Not sisters. Never really sisters."

Anissa set one of her firm looks at the old man, then stuffed the last of the bagel in her mouth and chewed quickly. Swallowing, she nearly spat the next sentence. "We're sisters." She stood up. "We just never needed to _act _like we were because we knew it. And that's all we needed to know."

Picking up her messenger bag and tossing her trash into one of the bins, Anissa regarded the senior with sorry eyes. "It was good seeing you, Kirinata-san. I hope to meet with you again, during my stay here." Turning on her heel, she pushed through the door without waiting for a response.

-//-

Anissa pulled into the driveway of her mother's house, and suddenly pressed the brake. Looking along the driveway, she spotted a dull green Camaro parked near the garage. There was just enough room to pull in and out of the garage, without space on the driveway being a hassel. Furrowing her brow, and checking her eyeliner in the rearview mirror (merely out of habit), she made her way into the only open spot in the garage. Making sure there was plenty of room for the doors of the other cars, Anissa cut the engine and stepped out.

She slammed the car door without taking her eyes away from the dull green Camaro. It was in good condition, and seven years old -- Anissa just _knew_ that car too damn well. Hell, she remembered stealing it on some of her late night sneak outs to be with her heartthrob, Shugo, and when she wanted to just go for a drive. With a quiet 'tch' of her tongue, Anissa remembered being the one to ultimately decide whether to buy that car, or a nice truck.

Anissa knew that car better than almost anyone else. 'Cept _one_ person.

Eyeing the way the car was parked almost perfectly parallel to the edge of the driveway, she walked to the doorway in the garage. When she walked into the resting room (meant solely for guests and their entertainment), the two occupants stopped talking and looked at her. Anissa glanced between the two identical faces staring at her, noting the similarity, before she rested her gaze on the one bearing green eyes.

There was a pregnant pause before her mother broke the silence with, "welcome back home, darling."

The blonde ignored her mother and her almost sickeningly sweet endearments, and dropped her bags before her mouth broke into a small smile. Dodging around the two couches, she jumped onto her sister, forgetting all about the contact the two of them made over the years -- or lack thereof. As far as Anissa knew, she didn't care anymore.

Seeing her sister again, hardly a feature been changed from years ago, had made Anissa realise how much she missed Alyssa. Made Anissa realise how much she really _missed_ her big sister. Seeing her calm face, and the blank eyes that always made Anissa feel reassured reminded Anissa of how well she was calmed by the presence.

Clutching onto the fabric of her sister's big but thin Linkin Park hoodie, Anissa didn't want to let go. Briefly, she noticed that she was eye level or -- dare she say it -- a little bit taller than her sister. Not by much... just... barely. And enough.

When she finally pulled away, Alyssa seemed to notice it all too well and glanced to the top of Anissa's messy blonde head. A brief look of selfish disapproval flashed across Alyssa's features before a calm but wry smile was sent Anissa's way. "Don't even say it."

Anissa was laughing and crushing her sister in another hug before she could help it. Even though she knew her sister wasn't much of a hugger and rarely ever hugged someone else _first, _Anissa knew her sister was enjoying the hug just as much. Unless Alyssa changed a lot over the years, Anissa knew she was missed just as much she missed others.

She knew her sister missed _her_ more than anyone else.

The two of them sat on Anissa's cold but soft bed for several hours. They talked about the past five years of their lives (although it was mainly Anissa doing the talking... as it usually had been). Anissa retold the events of how she'd gone through six apartments in the five years, experienced the death of a fellow student in a car accident, and juggled two low pay jobs the first three years in America. And of her struggle to become fluent in the English language, which seemed to have more rules than words. Alyssa agreed, noting that she had tried to learn the basics a couple years ago, then calling it a useless effort.

But she purposefully neglected mentioned the illness she had contracted during the earlier part of the years. That wasn't something anyone needed to know just yet.

The most Anissa got out of Alyssa was that she was currently sharing an apartment in downtown Tokyo with Taryn. She worked a mechanic shop, building and fixing motorbikes and old, but beautiful cars. It wasn't a perfect paying job, but Alyssa liked the hands on job. On weekends, she was a fill in psychologist, to handle smaller clients, with simple cases.

But nothing about the previous five years. Despite Anissa's persistance, Alyssa insisted that there was 'nothing worth mentioning right away'. And that if there were, she would tell her. Anissa believed her - for the most part, anyways.

By the time midnight rolled around, Alyssa excused herself, saying that Taryn had been calling for over two hours, and she'd just turned her phone on vibrate. If she didn't return home soon, Taryn would have the place rearranged entirely, merely to piss her off.

So, after a final hug (that Anissa launched onto Alyssa), Alyssa closed the door behind her firmly. Listening to the sounds of the engine, as it started and as revved as Alyssa drove away, Anissa took comfort in the familiarity of the past night.

It made Anissa remember all of the times they had spent the night talking for hours, about anything the wanted. And how, everytime there was a thunderstorm, Alyssa would be in her room already waiting for Anissa. Anissa always went to Alyssa's room and hid under the covers, feeling safer with her sister than she had ever felt with her father.

And she felt the same, when they had sat across from each other that night.

Everything had gone so... smoothly. So calmly. There wasn't a bit of shock or excitement or sadness that had occurred in the entire night, except when Anissa mentioned her friend who passed away.

And the fact that things had gone so calmly, and no awkward moments, reassured Anissa that things would go fine, during her stay. Because Alyssa always had a way to make things better, and make sure nothing go wrong.

It was one of the main reasons that Anissa had loved staying at her sister's place, all those years ago. Everything had been so peaceful, and under control, that it seemed nothing could go wrong except the unrealistic. Her sister had always seemed prepared and cautious enough that everything was planned. But nothing was dull.

It always felt like nothing could have gone wrong.

_Maybe _that's _why I never expected _everything _to go wrong... Why I never expected _this_ to happen. _

Trudging back up the two flights of stairs to her room, Anissa fell face forward onto her bed. Breathing in the smell of her sister's body/shower wash (which was still the same cucumber-melon scent), she burrowed under her covers and fell asleep with a smile.

_Maybe things won't be_ so _bad..._

* * *

**gettingtheregettingthere.**

**things will liven up next chapter.**

**oh,**

**and most likely, through out most of this story, chapters will range from 2500-3500 words,  
instead of my usual 3000-5000 word count range.**

wrecked.


	3. Oh Yeah That

**Chapter Two: Oh. Yeah. That.**

With a long and silent yawn, Anissa sat up in her bed and looked around. Her heart almost skipped a beat. What was she doing in... ? She sighed.

_Oh. Yeah._

For a moment, she had thought that she'd merely dreamt up a very detailed dream of five years of her life, before she remembered the latest change in her life. Her mother was getting married... remarried to her father. Again. It was still a shocker, and she still didn't quite believe it. She didn't want to - not just yet.

Despite the sudden change in her mother's hospitality and character, Anissa wasn't ready to believe all the words that came out of her mouth. Even though she had been telling the truth when telling Anissa of how her older sister had been 'back in town' for some time, the doubt still lingered in her belly.

Anissa froze in mid-stretch -- her back arched and legs tensing -- she didn't even think twice about how her mother and her sister were getting along. Last time she knew (a couple months before the 'split'), the two of them had been on level terms, but were far from even starting up casual conversation. Back then, the thought of those two _meeting_ up somewhere, or in one of each other's home, by will, was so farfetched. Not even a dare, a bet, or bribe could have made either of them comfortable.

Now... she had caught the two of them talking casually, as if it were nothing new for them.

Anissa didn't buy it. _Something_ had to have been going on. _Something._

Hell, the change between the two of them reminded her of everything. And old promises.

"What happened to the promises that we would always be together, guys?" she asked, in a very solemn and almost mourning mood. It was them, 'the group', she was angry and upset and disappointed in.

But she couldn't force all the blame on them.

Rolling off her bed, Anissa dragged herself to her suitcase - yet to be unpacked - and picked the first outfit she could put together.

As much as she didn't want to admit it, or tell anyone, she went into a deep depression the first couple of years away in America. A depression deep enough to where she was sick and in the hospital for three months. No one, not anyone, was supposed to know about it. Anissa wanted to keep that to herself. It was _her _business.

Shrugging off all the thoughts with a brief shake of her head, she went back to the matter at hand - the wedding, and confirmation.

She was going to see her dad today. Everything had to be confirmed. Right now, Alyssa and her mother weren't enough to settle her doubts, and worries. Her dad, however, would be a different story. He never lied to her before, not even when it was something better left unknown, and she counted on him to keep it that way.

Throwing on the flared blue jeans, a long sleeved black thermal, and a tshirt, she slipped into her chucks and left her room. Anissa was intent on making sure no one was pulling her leg about all this. If anyone was...

_Oh,_ she didn't even know how much hell there would be to pay, but she was damn sure that it wouldn't be very pretty for _anyone._

Taking two steps at a time, Anissa descended the stairs quickly, making sure to slide a hand down the banister in case she proved her clumsiness another time in her life. The keys already tucked into her back pocket, along with her wallet made of duct-tape, Anissa wondered if she had enough money to spare to buy herself a bagel for breakfast.

Deciding against it, since she knew her father always made a big breakfast, Anissa just drove the easiest route to her father's that she could remember. How many times had she and/or Alyssa driven back and forth between the two houses? Just because Anissa didn't like being in her mother's house, or was having a bad day?

She didn't dare count.

Her sister had driven the route more times than she had, even though she never lived there; Alyssa had picked her up and taken her home, despite the hatred she once bore towards the adult.

Anissa tapped her fingers on her steering wheel as she waited for the light. Across from her, on the other end of the intersection, cars made left turns, their headlights flashing in her eyes, and it suddenly occurred to her that she never even bothered to look at the time.

Surely, after her late night catch up session with her sister, she had slept in till at least noon. Right? Turning on the stereo in her car, Anissa made a quick glance at the digital clock.

"Oh, _fuck._" It was only quarter till 9. In the morning. The sky was heavy with fog, and in the middle of fall, daylight was never really bright until ten or so.

She expected it to be one or so in the afternoon, having neglected to take notice of the dull day, and was almost disappointed.

But she felt more rested than she had in a couple years. Not a single bone or muscle in her body was tired, or in dire need of stretching. Reaching her hand out the window to flip off the maniac behind her who was making use of his horn, Anissa stepped on the accelerator and took off.

Her next thought was, _He better be awake. I don't think I remember how to open Alyssa's bedroom window, anymore._

When she pulled into the driveway (which was still as steep as she remembered it to be), Anissa mentally thanked no one in particular that her father still had the once-embarassing habit of sitting on his front in his boxers. While the six pack she prided him of having was no longer apparent, his stomach was still flat.

Laughing out loud when she caught a glimpse of the interested 'who the fuck...' he was sending towards her car, she slammed on the emergency brake and opened the car door. Standing and resting her folded arms on the top of the car, Anissa grinned at her father as she waited for him to recognise her.

When he did, the face was almost priceless. And when cursed to himself, jumped up from his chair, and called her his 'baby girl' during an excited sprint, Anissa ran around the car to meet him.

"My baby girl has come home!" For nearly a minute, he was crushing her in a huge that lifted her off her feet. Spinning her around then setting her on her feet, he gave her the biggest grin she'd ever seen her life.

Her father was like Alyssa (or she was like him) and rarely ever had extreme outburts of complete happiness. He, usually, was more collected and let other judge his excitement or happiness for themselves. But it seemed like it was exception today.

"Shit, Nissi," he started with a gleeful twinkle in his eyes, "the hell are you doing in town so early? I didn't expect you until maybe Wednesday or maybe even Thursday."

"I wanted to come early," she explained as the walked up the steps to the house. "I haven't seen my ol' daddy in five years." Laughing when her father elbowed her good naturedly and shut the door, Anissa made a beeline for the kitchen. "So! Am I still good for free eggs and pancakes?"

-//-

Finishing off the last two bites of scrambled eggs - covered in salt and dipped in maple syrup - Anissa found herself wanting more. No one made scrambled eggs as well as her father did. But her sister made the best pancakes, as far as she could remember. Her dad was never able to compete, and neither were the professional chefs her mom used to hire. They always made pancakes too thin. Alyssa's were fluffy and fully cooked. They didn't fall apart when she tried to fold them in half for bigger and quicker bites.

When she shoved the last into her mouth, she picked up her plate and her glass, then headed for the kitchen. "You cook asf good asf efffer."

She listened to her father and his deep, gut laugh for the hundredth time that morning with an amused glance over her shoulder in his general direction.

Dropping the dishes into the sink, Anissa turned and returned to the living room. Her father was waiting for her with a picture in his hand. For the first time (actually slowing down and taking her time to _look_) she noticed the grays in her father's silvery blonde hair and his dark beard, as well as the wrinkles in his tanned skinned. He looked so different than the last time she'd seen him, and it looked like the past five years hadn't done him too much good.

"Look at this picture," he urged easily, "you won't believe it." There was a proud and relaxed look in his eyes that made Anissa think it was just another baby picture of hers that he had dug up while she was gone, but she was wrong.

And he was right. She _didn't _believe it. Hell, she believed her mother more than what she was seeing.

As far as she knew - no, as far as _anyone _knew, Taryn and Alyssa had always been_ best friends_. Closer than sisters, even. But that was it. Not... not... Anissa had always thought that _both_ of them were straight. And...

Here she was, staring at a close up picture of Alyssa and Taryn's faces. The picture was dated to be five months before, and taken inside a room with covered walls. Alyssa had her head slight turned and was looking down, off to the side with the smallest of a smirk, while Taryn planted an obvious kiss on her neck. Taryn's eyes looked at the camera with a look of defiance and michief that Anissa remember all too well.

"They're not together, are they?" It was out of shock that Anissa gave her father the purest look of disbelief she'd ever had. Anissa was never against gay couples, but it had never even crossed her mind that _those_ two were...

"Together," her father smiled, his dark blue eyes shining almost too happily, "that's right."

Her older sister, and her older sister's best friend... had ended up in a relationship together. Oh fuck, was Alyssa going to hear about this next time they talked! How dare she not tell her baby sister about her love life! Even though they hadn't talked in over five years before last night, but some things were a fucking given. _I mean, come on!_

Underneath the shock and disbelief, excitement and happiness overwhelmed her, and she couldn't help but grin. "How long have they been together?"

Having to think about the answer to her question, he stared at the picture thoughtfully, covering his mouth with his right hand and resting his elbow on his left. "I'd say..." he began, "about... Well, first, they've been on and off for about a couple years now, but right now, at about eleven months, this is the longest they've lasted."

Anissa eyed him warily. "What do you mean?"

"Taryn has the worst committment issues I've seen anyone have in my life. Everytime things seemed to get too solid for her, she'd break it off with Alyssa, or Alyssa would break it off to settle Taryn's nerves. This is the third time they've tried, and so far, the most successful."

Anissa caught the way he spoke as if he were silently pleading that it would stay successful.

He spotted her looking at him, and guessed her thoughts right away. "I haven't seen Alyssa happy in a long time, not since... I want it to stay this way."

Anissa assumed the subject of Balmung was clearly 'taboo' and dropped it. Now... to the reason she came to her father's...

"So..." she started, changing the subject as she set the picture down on the table. "you aren't joking or lying when you and mom say..."

Her dad was laughing before she even sent him her mockingly authorative look.

-//-

Counting the steps she took as she ran out to the car, wishing she could somehow run in between the raindrops, Anissa left her father's house. With a smile. Her mom hadn't been lying, and neither had her sister. They were really getting married (and her father had explained the seperate houses as being tradition - the bride-to-be was never to sleep with the groom before the wedding. That applied to second marriages, as well.)

Tch. Anissa still couldn't believe it though. Well... she couldn't believe _two _things, actually.

Slowing at a stop sign, Anissa debated on whether she should head to her sister's apartment complex or back to her mother's mansion. Biting and chewing on her lip, Anissa looked to her right. She was really thinking about going to Alyssa's... but she didn't want to barge in and demand to know what was going on with her and Taryn.

Whether Anissa liked it or not, it simply was just not in her place to re-enter herself into everyone's lives, as if it were a permanent fix. Alyssa and Taryn both moved on, and obviously had new, different, Anissa-less lives of their own.

But, _then again..._ she _was _only there for a couple weeks...

"So why the fuck should I not make the best of it?" In an instant, she was driving down the long road to the apartment complex with the stereo on full blast. Anissa would never admit it, but she thought a lot of the United States music was pretty fucking good. Especially the indie band The Used. Now _that _was some musical talent...

When she pulled into the parking lot and found the nearest space, Anissa grinned to herself. Both Taryn _and _Alyssa's cars were in the lot. _Now, _this_ is going to be too much fun. _She wanted to see how her sister would try and avoid the subject _now._

Hoping that her memory served right, Anissa cursed the skies for the heavy rain, and jogged towards the step. Why did Taryn and Alyssa have to live on the third story? Really, it was unreasonable, and way too much of a hassle _just_ to get to place you slept in at night. She'd never understand those two.

Part of Anissa wondered what the two of them might be doing. Her sister had never been the sexual type (that she knew of, anyways) but Taryn had definitely been. She doubted that either of them were doing anything more than sitting on the couch; reading; watching tv; or talking.

_Now where's number 395...? A-ha! _

Anissa raised her hand to knock and heard Taryn's all too familiar laugh from inside. Already, she was smiling at the thought of seeing the vibrantly independent redhead she admired so long ago. With a couple of strong raps, Anissa stepped back and waited as the laughter ceased.

A mere moment and a few clacks of the door later, the heavy door swung open and she saw a woman with doe brown eyes looking at her. Though Taryn didn't seem to recognize the blue-eyed, blonde, Anissa sure recognized Taryn.

Her brown eyes blinked twice; expectantly. "Uh, may I help you, ma'am?"

Anissa smirked. "You're memory has gone to shit, hasn't it, Tar?"

There was a flash of anger that passed through Taryn's eyes before recognized dawned. "No mother fucking way!" In an instant, Taryn was grabbing her shoulders (after a shocked shove) and nearly throwing her inside the door. "'Lyss, your bad ass sister decided to show her face!"

_Gee, what a compliment. _

Turning to watch her sister walk out from one of the doorways and send them both inquisitive looks, Anissa chuckled to herself.

"_Boy,_ have we got something to talk about!"

Already, Alyssa's eyes narrowed in suspiscion and slight confusion -- the amused and pleased look having disappeared faster than it arrived. Her big sister seemed to know that something was up. And that she was under the blame for _something,_ she just didn't yet know what. Oh, was Alyssa going to hear it from _her!_

"_So..._" Anissa ignored the warning looks her sister sent her. "What have_ you guys_ been up to, lately?"

The look on her sister's face -- which basically could be summed up as '_oh._' -- was nearly priceless.


	4. Headlights

Disclaimer: I do not own Shuyin – he is the property of my sister, and most likely my most faithful reader (she started it all, my friends), Anissa. Praise her for creating the person who probably pushed out this chapter. I also don't own .Hack/Legend or make any profit either.

* * *

**Chapter Three- Headlights**

Her sister looked like a deer caught in headlights. Taryn (still) resembled a dangerously curious cat, eager to understand what was happening. Almost leaning forward, to catch the slightest sound that would help her.

Letting her face spread into a toothy grin, Anissa took it upon herself to plop herself down on their couch.

When she sent a meaningful glance at Alyssa with raised eyebrows, then nodded her head in Taryn's direction, Taryn seemed to fully understand.

"Oh." Sending an uneasy and wary look towards the oldest girl in the room, Taryn shifted her weight to her left foot and stepped back. It was obvious that she began to panic, her breathing irregular and quick. "Look, Anissa..." The redhead was fighting for the right words to say. "Um, it's not what you think..."

Anissa didn't miss the quick glance Taryn received from Alyssa, and neither did Taryn. It was almost pained, but still defiant and strong.

She had the sudden urge to make sure that _she_ didn't come between them, or cause instability in the relationship because of Taryn's fear. "So you two aren't together?"

"Well, uh.." Taryn sent a helpless look to Alyssa, and disappointment showed in her eyes when Alyssa stared her down. "Yeah, but..."

"You know --" she crossed her foot over the other on the armrest "--if you would just tell me, I'd be happy for you." She dug under her fingernails, looking for dirt. "Cause, you know, I'm definitely not against it. In fact. I'm completely for it. The only thing is, is that I never, in my entire _life_ could have guessed or predicted the two of you. Together."

The utter relief on Alyssa's face, and the loud exhale, made Anissa laugh. Her sister had basically been on her toes, holding her breath, and focusing intently on the two of them. Paranoid and maybe even scared that she wouldn't have approved, or that Taryn might break under the pressure.

"Oh, thank god." Taryn's natural behavior returned, and she hopped over the side of the couch, directly on top of Anissa. "For a second, I thought you were gon' go all possessive on me, twerp." Nudging Anissa's cheeks with her elbow, she laughed as she had the blonde trapped beneath her. "So, does that mean we can be all lovey dovey around you, and make out, and stuff?"

The look in Taryn's eyes and the tone of her voice was half serious and half joking. But Anissa knew better.

She fixed Taryn a weird look, and shook her head as well as she could. "Alyssa hates publicity." Growling, Anissa tried to push the heavy redhead off of her, but failed and accepted defeat. "But besides, you hate the lovey-dovey-claim-your-partner-in-public-shit, anyways. Unless things have changed."

Taryn couldn't deny that. But she was disappointed in how quick Anissa had caught on (to her question.) Raising her arm, she blindly held it stretched out in what she thought was Alyssa's general direction. "Get your ass on the couch, girl."

When there was no response, verbal or physical, Taryn looked over her shoulder and the back of the couch. Alyssa wasn't there.

"Uh oh," was the first thing out of her mouth, before she stood up and walked down the small hallway. For a moment, Anissa was cold, before she decided to follow suit. Stopping at a doorway, and looking in as Taryn stared Alyssa down in the middle of reading. Only it wasn't one of her seven hundred page books, its was a letter.

Alyssa was feigning a look of guarded innocence that Anissa didn't know whether to believe or not. Even though she wouldn't admit it to anyone but herself, Anissa was slightly hurt by the way Alyssa was regarding her return to Japan lightly. As if it wasn't something to change her daily hobbies for.

"He wants me to call him."

Looking away from studying the color of the walls, Anissa could only give Alyssa a look that meant 'I dont understand.' Taryn, tilting her head to the side a bit, gave her a look of suspicion and jealousy.

"Him, as in Balmung?"

Anissa's eyes widened. _OH. That 'Him'._

"Is he in town, or something? Or finally able to come back to Japan, and looking for some lovin' or what? Cause, if he wants you back, he's out of luck!" Insecurity and unsureness passed through Taryn's eyes, as she stared down Alyssa's emotionless face. "Right?" The fear and cynist in Taryn showed through her voice and the way it rose a pitch.

The anger that replaced the passive look in Alyssa's eyes was obvious when she spun her head and stood to face Taryn head-on. "How can you ask me that, 'Ryn? After the past two _years_. When will you get it in your head that I'm here to stick this whole thing out? That I'm not afraid to commit?" For a brief moment, she looked at her younger sister, as if just remembering that she was in the room, then dismissed it by returning her gaze on the redhead. "I'm not afraid to commit to _you_, even though you _are_. I'm not afraid to do things with you, and you _know _that I have issues with intimacy. What does that te--"

"What is that supposed to mean?" The both of them traded identical looks of distrust, hurt, and anger. "Even though I am?"

"It means," Alyssa started, straightening her back, and pulling her arms to her sides. "That I'm not afraid to be with you, with the intentions to last for life, even though you're afraid of committment, and bail out everytime you're scared. I'm not afraid to, when chances are, you'll be the one end it, because you're little fear. Because you're afraid that, I, of all people, will be the one to break up with you, when I've been the faithful one the entire _time_."

Anissa watched as Alyssa stepped forward, nearly touching noses with Taryn, then started speaking in a low, but understandeable tone.

"Now, whether you like it or not, I am going to call him. And chances are, I'm going to meet up with him, somewhere. _To talk._ Because - even though I may not love him anymore - I would _still_ consider him a _friend _of mine." Turning, Alyssa grabbed papers, small business cards, and envelopes off the table, then brushed past Anissa and out of the room.

An awkward and tenseful silence hung in the room, as Taryn kept her eyes trained on the now clear tabletop. Anissa didn't know whether it was right, or even in her place, to comfort the once fiery redhead. After five minutes, they both heard the sound of Alyssa dialing a number, and Taryn's face twisted in what seemed like a mixed of jealousy and agony. But when Alyssa started inaudibly speaking, Taryn smiled and spoke.

"Ha." Regret was already taking over her voice. "It's hard living with her, when she's always right, and does everything that needs to be done in the apartment. I don't know how you did it for all those years."

Glad for the opening, Anissa smiled and chuckled. "Well, I usually just argued with her, until she gave up in annoyance." Watching as Taryn took a seat in the same chair Alyssa had been in, Anissa sat in the other one, across from her. Grinning, she continued. "Besides - the fact that she always did all the chores, and the cleaning, and the cooking didn't bother me at all. I loved it."

Laughing, Taryn agreed with that notion. "But since like, you know... _us,_ I'm supposed to like... I don't know. I don't want her to do everything, while I sit and do nothing, you know? It doesn't feel right." She threw her head back and groaned. "I've even _told_ her that I didn't like how she left nothing for me to do, and you know what she said? 'I'm not going to just let you--'"

"'--do something just because I didn't feel like doing it myself' yadda yadda yadda. She always told me that excuse, too. What a load of bull, right?"

The light seemed to return to Taryn's eyes as she pulled her leg underneath her to sit on it and leaned over the table slightly. "Yeah! She acts like I need to be taken care of! I think that's what pisses me off the most. Being treated like I can't do that crap, or something, I don't know."

The conversation continued for ten minutes, somehow leading the subject of music, before they heard the loud slam of the front door and the faint screech of tires.

"Well, someone's having trouble controlling her temper..." Anissa muttered good naturedly, earning a laugh.

"That's just her non-verbal way of telling us that she's leaving," she smiled, with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Oh, ok. Have you ever seen her so much to where she actually can't? Control her temper, I mean."

Anissa searched through her memory, and found nothing. "No..." She sent Taryn a sideways glance when the redhead seemed to beam with excitement then burst out in laughter. It was a couple minutes before she controlled herself.

"Ok, unless you're the one she's angry at, or the reason she's angry, it's scary. But when -- ok. It's _funny!_ I couldn't stop laughing, because she was like... so frustrated with trying to not do anything, and failing, that her eyes start to tear up. She starts to like... breathe really fast, and break things, and do things to everything _but_ what she's mad at. She acts like it's a crime to punish whatever pissed her off, and like she's afraid to."

Just what the hell was she going on about? "Wait -- when was she so mad that --"

A loud knock on the door interrupted her talking, and the two of them looked at each other, confused.

"I know Alyssa didn't forget her keys..." Trailing off, Taryn stood without looking from the general direction of the front door. Anissa followed, eager with curiosity.

With a hard jerk, Taryn pulled the door open after unlocking it, and stared at the delivery man in surprise. He was a young boy, probably barely sixteen or seventeen, still stuttering to the customers. Glancing over her shoulder, Taryn furrowed her brow and opened her mouth to speak, though nothing came out.

"Is this...the Nagoya and the uh... Taryn's... residence?"

"Yes, can I help you...?"

"I have an order for a... ahm... small pizza with... onions, peppers, sausage, black olive, pineapple and more, but geez, howthehellcanyoueatapizza with all _that_?"

He almost felt discouraged and ashamed as he bowed his head in apology when Taryn gave a small snort, and scoffed over her shoulder at Anissa. "Check on that little bullet board over there, and see if there's some cash or check for the pizza."

Following Taryn's orders, Anissa walked to what she assumed what a bullet board, and checked the contents. There were post-its pinned everywhere full on numbers, adresses, and dates. The wedding invites that the both of them received were there, as well, near the top right corner, and, much to Anissa's surprise, a dahlia on the far left. Glancing to at Taryn's back (who was animatedly talking with the boy), Anissa opened up the small little card attatched to the rose with a little string.

'_this is for all the times that i've been a total bitch. this is for being the strong one. this is for making me fall in love with you. this is for staying with me, and trying fight my stupid insecurity about committment. you're the first to try and stick with me through it all, and i realise that you're the only one worth it.'_

_Look who turned into a little romantic girl,_ Anissa thought. Flipping the card over to look on the very back, she read the P.S. note.

_'i know you hate roses. so here's a soulman dahlia.'_

"Is it not there, Anissa? I don't want to keep the kid waiting, you know!"

Broken out of her stupor, she quickly reskimmed the contents of the board, and found a check right in the middle. "Yes, here it is!" Pulling out the pin, the jabbing it back in place, with the check in hand, she walked back to the doorway. "Here you go, buddy." He took the check almost greedily, and flashed them a smile before bolting back the way he came.

Slamming the door, Taryn sauntered over to the couch and set the pizza on the small table. "See what I mean? She's pissed as hell at me, and I get a freaking pizza from her. Alyssa fucking hates peppers, too." Grabbing a piece, and shoving in her mouth with a scornful glare at the TV screen, Taryn sat back with a huff.

Anissa watched as Taryn started to devour the pizza quickly, despite the muscular and almost too thin frame she had. With a few grumbles, Taryn watched TV bitterly. She guessed it was time for her to leave, due to Taryn's not so delightful mood.

"Ok, it's getting late."It was only five until noon, but she had made plans with her mother to catch up over lunch at 12:30. It was a half hour drive back to the mansion, and she was sure that the traffic wouldn't bode well with the rain. "I've got plans in a half hour, so I gotta jet."

As if seeing her for the first time, Taryn blinked then took a large bite as she stood up. Mumbling a few incoherent words, she one-handedly jumped over the couch, and pulled Anissa into a hug. It was bone-crushing hug - the kind Taryn always gave - yet Anissa knew it was a thankful one, somehow.

"See ya, short stuff." Taryn briefly looked at Anissa carefully, for second. "Well, I guess you're not all that short anymore; about as tall as Alyssa, now. Oh whatever, I'll just don you 'twerp' for right now, till I think of a better name. I'm not using blondie. God knows how many times you've been called that, already."

Taking it upon herself to open the door (which was even heavier than it looked and even harder to open) Anissa said good bye, then bolted to her car.

When she reached her car, she heard the sound of a car coming up behind her and turned to look. It was Alyssa's car, but oddly, Anissa wished it was someone other than her sister, with the same model. Anissa knew it was unlikely, but she still wished for it all the same - more for Taryn's sake than her own. Watching as it pulled into a random parking spot, and as someone in a bold blue hoodie ran down from one of the other buildings, then got in the car, Anissa briefly wondered if it actually _was _someone different. The car drove off before she could tell who the driver was.

Making a mental note to ask Taryn about it, next time she saw the vibrant woman, she got inside her car then drove to her mother's home.

It was 12:36 when she looked at the grandfather clock, after taking off her wet shoes to not track water onto the carpetted floors.

"Hey, mom?" she called out, the last word feeling foreign on her tongue, after so long. "Sorry I'm late!"

Seemingly out of nowhere, her mother rounded the corner and made Anissa jump in surprise. "Oh, no, it's fine." Her mother never seemed to be anything but cheerful, and it almost made Anissa wonder if there was something going on that she didn't know. "If you don't mind, I invited someone to come along with us." With a graceful and wide sweeping motion, she turned and gestured at the doorway. A moment later, a tall but thin man occupied the empty space. "He hasn't been in town for quite sometime, and it's to my knowledge that you know him, so I thought that it wouldn't be a problem if --"

"Balmung?"

It had taken Anissa a moment to recognize his fairly different face, but she recognized it anyway. Hell, if the eyes and height weren't enough to prove it, his hair definitely was.

The look in his eyes seemed to be searching for acceptance, or forgiveness. A second chance. She wasn't the one who he needed to be searching for a second chance from, it was her sister. Though he seemed to already have been working on that (from the looks of things at Alyssa's house) Anissa didn't want to give it to him before Alyssa.

But going out to lunch with him and her mother wasn't giving him a second chance, was it?

Wait. Why were him and her mother...? The last time she had spoken to Balmung (which was about six months after her move to America) they had ended up talking about her mother and the way she treated Alyssa very many years before. And, as he said, he wanted nothing to do with her. So what was he doing now?

Had he given _her -_ **_their _**- mother a second chance? Before either of them had?

Putting on the biggest fake smile that she could, she added, "I haven't seen you in ages, dude!"

Wtih a chuckle, obviously put at ease by her smile and seemingly good nature, he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Yeah, no joke."

Anissa blinked. His voice had gotten several pitches lower than the last time she spoke to him. And before, it was already the deepest voice that she knew. _Just how deep is his voice going to get?_

"Damn! Your voice is like... bass all the way."

Her mother rolled her eyes, and began to make her way towards the door. "Language!" she sang, turning around as she grasped the door handle. "You may be an adult, but you're still staying at my house, for the mean time. So follow my rules." Pausing at the defiant look in her daughter's eyes, she smiled, and added, "damnit."

The pure look of mocked outrage and amusement on the blonde's face made her laugh. "What?! You never change, do you! Only yooouuu can say certain things, just because it's your house! I think that's not fair. In _my_ house, back home, I tell people 'if I can do it, so can you!' I mean, that's pretty much fair, except for the few givens. I mean, no sex, and stuff like that - that's just a violation of my hospitality, you know. But anyway! I think that since I'm your daughter and --"

The impatient (and almost annoyed) look her mother sent her made her stop in mid-sentence. "Just get in the car."

That (and a loud growl of her stomach) was enough for a laugh and a hurried walk to the car.

Balmung retreated to his own car (which was a brand new Japanese made car) and followed as her mother took the quickest way to a fancy and expensive restaurant. Anissa briefly smiled to herself. _Man, I'm going to have the best tasting free meal of my life. _

* * *

Taryn - issues with/afraid to committ(ment). pretty popular among people.  
Alyssa - issues with intimacy. all the 'i love you's and stuff like that. saying stuff from the heart. it's a sort of a weakness to her. (and by weakness, i mean it only applies to herself. other's can do it, and she wouldn't consider it a weakness, but if she were to, it would be.) 

**Finally getting to the real part of the story, now. Threw Balmung into the story (finally). And a twist (which I find works pretty well.)**

**Shugo, and Rena will come in sometime soon. And I mean soon.**

**I like this version a hell of a lot better than the original. Much slower. Much more action. Much better written. And it won't go so fast that it'll be finished by the first 10 chapters (that was really bugging me.)**

**So.. was this better?**


	5. Here's To The Night

Note: _I'm tryiiiing._

Note 2: If you bitch, here's a bit of information - the only grandpa out of three that lived in the same state as me just passed away. there is nothing, absolutely nothing that can describe the feelings in anyone when someone close to you passes away. i'm not even going to try my hand at expressing it through words. crying, screaming, breaking down -- all those can't even get my point across. horrible doesn't describe it. this ... paragraph of a note barely nicks it all. so before you bitch and you moan, be fuckin happy that i got this out, you fucking douches.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shuyin or Tengaki– they are the property of my sister, and most likely my most faithful reader (she started it all, my friends), Anissa. Praise her for creating the person who probably pushed out this chapter. I also don't own .Hack/Legend or make any profit either.

This disclaimer is old, so get used to it – I won't be attempting to make a humorous one any time soon.

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**Chapter Four: Here's to the Night**

* * *

It was nearly one in the afternoon when her mother finally arrived at a restaurant. It was a french place (to which Anissa gagged) and classical music bled out of the cracked windows and doors. The rain had finally let up while they were finding a place to park, and Anissa thanked the timing. 

She was tired of getting wet and of the rain for one day.

"I hope you don't mind french foods, Balmung. I haven't had it in such a long time, and it has great, inexpensive food."

Anissa made a face. "Since when do you care about the cost?"

Her mother seemed taken aback, but not too hurt. Just angered. It seemed like she was trying to control herself. Be different. Anissa didn't mind, so long as it meant her mother was being a model one. She could deal with the fake attitude for a couple weeks. "Since I've been spending all my money on my wedding. I want it to be --"

"Perfect," Anissa finished, shrugging off her mother's almost comtemptful stares and looking both ways. Shoving her hands into her pocket, Anissa hunched her shoulders and walked towards the entrance to the diner. As much as she hated to admit it, her cheerful and talkative mood died while she was in the car. Her mother had been trying to keep up the conversation as well as the animated talking, but had failed.

Even Anissa couldn't keep smiling and talking enough for a conversation to last long between her and her mother.

It was just impossible.

Now, she was in a somber mood, thinking far too much. Even for her. Why was Balmung in town? _Coincedentally_ the same week that she was? And of the wedding?

As far as she knew and guessed, her mother hadn't invited the young man to her second wedding. And as far as she cared to know, Balmung and her mother had _never_ really talked. Like she had reminded herself before, Balmung made it clear that he would rather speak with speak with someone intent on hurting him, than see the one who... than see her.

But, now, Anissa assumed that things had completely changed. And all she wondered was how her mother and Balmung ever met. Obviously, it couldn't have been through introductions -- unless her father introduced the two of them. Which was highly unlikely.

After a moment of waiting on the sidewalk for the two of them to catch up (seperately), Anissa decided she didn't even care enough to ask. "So," she started, "what've you been up to, B-boy?"

When he stepped up onto the sidewalk, his face was angled towards the ground and she could barely see the smale smirk on his face. "I haven't heard that name in a long time, Anissa." He paused to toss his head to the side to get his hair out of his eyes, then cleared his throat to continue. "But, I've been busier."

Anissa could just tell from the way he spoke that he was afraid to say that wrong thing, without lying. That he knew he was already on a thin line.

He didn't want it to break, or to cross it.

"Yeah, I bet you have," she replied, finally, turning to push open one of the doors. "Still workin' at, uh, whatever that place was called?"

Balmung had, surprisingly, been the last person she lost touch with. The first had been her sister (also surprising), followed by Tengaki, Rena, Taryn, then Shugo. All in about a year, if not, less than year. It made Anissa angry.

Balmung seemed to relax when she kept asking questions, and answered them all. With each question, he gave Anissa more information, feeling more confident and put to ease by the blonde's grinning nature.

Anissa had no hard feelings towards Balmung. Sure, she didn't like the fact how he was the only Alyssa had really opened up to (at the time, anyways) and he basically destroyed all the positive change he'd caused in her sister. But what could she do? Her sister was fine, and had always been fine, since the fourth or so month he'd been gone. Her sister had forgiven him, for the most part, and so had she.

Anissa just had to discreetly let him know that. For some reason, she wanted to keep the whole... deal... secret from her mother, if her mother didn't already know, or suspect. It was just... Anissa just didn't want her mother to suddenly look down on her sister again, if found out.

She was intent on keeping things solid, and not breaking any bonds or relationship during her stay in Japan. She wouldn't be the catalyst for anything (but good). If she were to keep her word, Anissa needed to keep reminding herself. Or else she would almost definitely forget.

Anissa wanted him to ask her questions about her sister. More because she wanted her mother to give up what information she knew than to help Balmung get up to date on matters.

"So, you mean to tell me that you've been in town for a couple of weeks, now?"

"Yeah. I'm not really sure why I decided to come back to Tokyo, even if just for a simple visit. I'm just hoping I didn't pick the wrong time to come back. You know, too soon, and all."

The way his eyes shifted to Anissa's while he spoke gave Anissa the realisation that he _was_ asking if it was the wrong time.

But Anissa didn't know if he meant the wrong time to rekindle friendships, or the wrong time to rekindle love.

"Oh come on. There's never a wrong time to go back home and see old friends. See what they're up to, and all that jazz."

He seemed to find her answer enough to go by, and nodded. His eyes looked off to the right as if thinking to himself. "All right..." Turning back, he smiled at the two of them, taking a stab at the noodles with his fork.

"So, Balmung - have you got anyone in your life right now? I mean, I ask because - you know, I'm getting married this weekend and all. I'm just curious."

And Anissa believed her. The look on her mother's face and in the smiles was nothing short than that of an eager teenage girl planning to elope. _Or one who just had sex for the first time..._ Anissa shuddered. Too wrong of a comparison, just _too wrong._

"Well, not at the moment... though I am hoping to... find out my chances with this girl I know. I don't want to say too much about her, seeing as the chances may end up to be slim." Balmung gave her a smile that was all too forced, but kind. "I don't want to, uh... give you false information in vain."

Her mother agreed and told him she understood and wouldn't bother him anymore with the subject.

This time, he didn't look at Anissa, and kept his eyes on her mother. _He wants to find out on his own. _Anissa respected that.

"Do either of you know what time it is?"

Balmung glanced at his watch as her mother looked around the room for one hanging on a wall. "It's about 1:32."

Anissa didn't know why she wanted to ask them, seeing as she had nothing else planned. Maybe it was just to keep track of time. As they all sat in silence, taking bites of their food, Anissa thought back to what her sister had said before she left. _"Now, whether you like it or not, I am going to call him. And chances are, I'm going to meet up with him, somewhere._ To talk _Because - even though I may not love him anymore - I would_ still _consider him a _friend _of mine."_

"Mmk." After nodding, she feigned a look of boredom, then began to speak. "So, have you called or gotten in touch with anyone, yet? Told people to call you, that you're in town... stuff like that?"

He nodded. "Only one person, as of yet. She called me while we were on our way here, actually. I'll be meeting up with her sometime tomorrow, over dinner."

_Well, won't that piss the shit out of Taryn? _Anissa thought briefly. "Dinner? Isn't that a bit... I don't know... like you're wanting to be with her, or something?"

Something flashed in his eyes, and she suddenly felt cold under the look he was giving her. It was pure anger, and disagreement. "It's only dinner. Not us having a blast, with a couple of wine bottles or cases of vodka."

Uneasily, Anissa laughed. _Shit. Fuck. _"What have _you_ been up to for the past five years, B-boy? I never thought you were a drinker!"

When his shoulders slumped, and his eyes rolled skyward, she felt relieved. "I'm not," he said tired but amused. "I never _have_ been much of a drinker, Anissa." He looked at his watch once more, and began to wipe his hands on his napkin. "Well, it's 1:45. I've got to get back to my place, and sign some paperworks."

Scooting his chair back and standing, he extended a hand out to both the women, then left, enough money laying on the table to pay for all three of them.

Anissa crossed her arms and gave her mother a spiteful look. "And I thought having rich friends and family would be pretty damn cool. Now, I feel cheap and like a mooch."

Her mother gave her one of the most confused, and oblivious faces she had ever seen and it earned a chuckle. "A moo... a 'mooch'?"

This earned full on laughter, and a shake of the head. "Nevermind. Let's jet, mom."

-//-

When they finally got back to the mansion, it was almost 2:30. Her mother had taken her time while driving, getting too caught up in talking. It annoyed Anissa, and she fought back the urge step on her mother's foot and trust her mother's steering. Of course, it would be dangerous, but Anissa would have been grinning and laughing the whole time, regardless.

Almost instantly upon stepping in the doorway, her mother started going on about the wedding. And, to humor her mother, Anissa listened. It was the first full conversation that the two of them had, yet. In fact, it was her mother who wouldn't stop talking, and Anissa who couldn't get much of a word in, before she was excitedly interrupted.

Her mother was so excited that no matter how bored Anissa got to be, she wouldn't back out of the conversation, and held her tongue. Hell, her mother was even _funny_ when she wouldn't shut up and had random outbursts when she remembered something. There were a couple moments when the two of them couldn't stop laughing.

Anissa liked this side of her mother, and was pleased that she got to see it at least once in her life, if only for awhile.

It was nearly half past five when they turned the subject onto her father. Apparently, Anissa's mother knew plenty of her father's embarassing, or funny moments. And was even listing some of Alyssa's, as well, from when she was just under ten years older. Half the things seemed like it was made up - due to the sheer incredibility of it.

Including when she retold the story of she, when just six or so years old, stuck gum in her sister's hair. Only because Anissa had wanted to see if her sister was telling the truth when gum stuck just about everything. It had resulted in Alyssa getting her hair cut to her chin and Anissa getting several bottles of food coloring dumped in her blonde hair and on her skin.

For about three weeks, Anissa had green, blue, red, and orange streaked hair and arms. It had taken two years for Alyssa's hair to grow back out, and even longer for her to forgive her baby sister.

Thinking back and never being able to recall the memory of it all, Anissa wondered if her sister remembered that day well enough, if at all. _Knowing her, she probably does. _Anissa rethought about it. She almost forgot about how Alyssa was just beginning to remember her younger childhood years after Shi's defeat, and wanted to slap herself. _But then again, it was before she was ten, so probably not. _

Her mother seemed to be finished with the subject, after Anissa controlled her laughter and sat back in the chair, relaxed. For what seemed like a bare second and she was standing up, her eyes and face bright with an idea. "I want you to tell me," she started, her voice starting to trail off, "if you know anyone on my guest list. Aside from Balmung, I mean."

Within seconds, a piece of paper with names numbered one through fifty was in Anissa's hand and she was reading. Aside from her sister, Taryn, and Balmung, she didn't read any names or surnames familiar to her, so she shook her head no.

"No?" The brows on her mother's forehead furrowed together and she turned her head in disappointment. "Well, what about your father's list? Maybe there's someone on there... He knew your friends, and their parents far better than I did."

The process was repeated again, only with a different slip of paper; same amount of people.

33. Tengaki  
34. Shugo Tenaga.  
35. Rena Tenaga.

Her stomach lurched, and she almost felt a pain her chest.

"Sh..Shugo's... coming...?"

For some reason, she dreaded the thought of him coming. The thought of seeing him again, after so long. Anissa was sure that he'd have a girlfriend at his side, since he was always quite the flirt and quite persistent when it came to the girl he liked. He was never one to give up, ever.

Much to her dismay, her mother's cheerful mood seemed to brighten even more. "Oh! Yes, of course! He was one of the first people to make a reservation, and let me know personally that he'd definitely be here. Along with his friend, um... Te..Teny..."

"Tengaki," Anissa finished, blank; her eyes never left the paper.

"Yes, there we go." Taking the paper from her daughter's hands (not noticing the suddenly sullen mood), she set them back in a book then placed the book on a table. "Well, I do believe that it's almost six, now. Dinner will be finished soon, so why don't we just settle down at the table early, tonight, hmm?"

Agreeing, Anissa stood up, and tried to feign a look of eagerness and hunger.

She suddenly wanted to go home.

* * *

pleaseplease review.  
-**wrecked**. 


	6. Turn It Inside Out

Note: TRASH TALKING BITCHES SHOULD DIE. Read away.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shuyin, Anissa, or Tengaki -- they are the property of my sister, and most likely my most faithful reader (she started it all, my friends), Anissa. Praise her for creating the person who probably pushed out this chapter. I also don't own .Hack/Legend or make any profit either.

This disclaimer is old, so get used to it -- hell it's older than the last time i used this thing omfgggg.

* * *

**Chapter Five: Turn It Inside Out**

* * *

Anissa wanted to just _slap_ him. Slap him across the face, until he bled. But she didn't know why. Part of her guessed it was because of that damned smirk that seemed planted on his face, and how he still seemed to not care about anything. How he still seemed to not have any feelings; be emotionless. 

It was infuriating.

"I mean... come on!" she growled, crossing her arms tighter. "You're supposed to love the girl, not go after some... some... some _chick_ that fuckin _reminds_ you of her!" Shoving her hand into the bowl of popcorn, she chucked a handful of buttery goodness at the screen. "You're such a dumbass! You _have her!_"

In a moment, Anissa was throwing as much as she could at the T.V., ignoring the humored remarks from the girl beside her.

"What an idiot!" With a final and violent toss of popcorn, Anissa grabbed the remote and turned off the DVD player. _Stupid boy._

Crossing her legs then burrowing deeper into her blanket, she smiled at the complete warmth. She had received a phone call late into the previous night from Taryn, and immediately took up the redhead's offer to stay the night. And (grabbing a set of clothes, accessories, and a few of her mother's movies) she had booked it down the Tokyo's streets to the apartment complex.

When she had arrived there, Alyssa wasn't in sight and Anissa felt that it was quite obviously the wrong time to ask Taryn any questions. After a brief tour of the small apartment, and the complex outside (which had a swimming pool, pool table, bar and lounge area, snack machines located at every floor, and even an elevator for the handicapped) Anissa quite graciously accepted Taryn's idea for pizza.

And there they were, the next morning, having popcorn and poptarts for breakfast to one of the movies Anissa had brought over.

It was late into the day as Anissa woke up and noticed that sun was bleeding through the curtains. When Taryn had walked into the main room (Anissa had slept on the couch - which was a fold out bed) Anissa reminded herself to ask about her older sister.

An elbow in her ribs brought Anissa back to reality, and she nearly choked on some of the popcorn. "What?" she asked, bitterly and unamused.

"Last night, you said you had somethin' to ask me, right?"

_OH._

"THAT."

Taryn made a face as if Anissa had said something funny (or odd). After she prodded her (Anissa's) side again - this time with the knuckles of her fist - Anissa knew that the jig was up. She was found out. "Yeah..." Taryn drawled, expectantly, "whatever _that_ is..."

Suddenly, Anissa was nervous. And not because it wasn't a good time to ask (but then again, when _was_ a good time, anyways?) She didn't feel like she had enough courage to invade Taryn's personal space, by asking about _Alyssa._

"Come on," the red-head urged again. "Whatever it is, it can't be something _bad_ like my grandpa dying, or something."

_True._

"Is there a guy around here, that Alyssa knows, and hangs out with that --"

"Blue hoodie, really tall, lanky - kind of... lopes and shit, when he runs?"

There was a feeling of dread in Anissa's stomach when Taryn spoke. She never should have brought it up, because the tone of Taryn's voice held ... what? Disapproval? Dislike?

Disappointment?

"Yeah." Taryn's voice sounded nothing short of any of those. And, if not more noticeable than the rest, she sounded completely defeated. Like she was accepting defeat. "I've been tryin' to get her to, uh... basically 'cut down' - for lack of a better term - on hanging out with him. So much bad shit happens, and I'm always worried that... That... Like.. I can't explain.

"He's so influential, and persuasive that... I don't know. It's hard to believe that they're _just _best friends - for me. They act like best friends, and all, and even have each other's backs. I mean, come on - me and Alyssa were that way before..." Taryn gestured her arms out to the side in a 'THIS' action, "But... I just don't like it."

Anissa was confused. "Who?"

"Ugh," Taryn groaned. She felt impatient and exhausted with Anissa already, even though there was almost no chance that the blonde knew _any_ of the story. But, regardless, she was surprised that the younger girl didn't realise who the boy actually was. "You didn't recognize him?" She failed to hide the incredulity in her voice.

Now Anissa was the impatient one. "_Who?_"

"Shuyin."

"...What?"

"_Shuyin_."

"AND ALYSSA?"

"ExACTLY."

"You better explain fast, before I start to hunt them, and find out what drugs they're on."

This made Taryn break out in laughter, and nod her head in agreement.

Anissa couldn't believe it. Alyssa? And Shuyin? They were...they were...were...enemies! The two had always fought, in the past. Or, well, Shuyin had always tried to get to her (Anissa), and Alyssa never would allow it. For a while - when Shuyin first started to show an interest - the two had been fine; on civil terms with one another. They never talked, and never made an effort greet the other.

Then, suddenly, Alyssa refused to let Shuyin around her anymore.

It was as if something had happened between the both of them that made Alyssa change her mind about the once-bright-eyed boy they knew. And Anissa chose to break up with him, due to his violent and verbal hostility towards Alyssa. Shuyin had constantly talked about his hatred and dislike of her sister, whenever they had a moment alone. He never once apologized.

"About a month after we both came back here, he tried to apologize for his actions a few years ago. You know, when he basically fucked up his friendship with Alyssa while he was goin' out with you. Alyssa --"

"Wait. Friendship?" Anissa shook her head. Taryn had things all wrong, already. "Shuyin and Alyssa never really liked each other. Like... ever. Then, suddenly, I don't why, but they started to hate each other."

Taryn gave her the most sympathetic half-smile that Anissa had ever seen. The light in her eyes even seemed a bit pained. "No, Anissa." The softer tone of voice made Anissa feel as if the temperature had just dropped. "You ... more or less _stole_ Shuyin away from her."

Anissa's mind stopped rationalising and thinking of ways that Shuyin and Alyssa ever communicated and interracted. She couldn't think of anything to say, except, "...huh?"

"Yeah. They were never going out, and Alyssa isn't really one to _'like'_ someone, but she was comfortable with him. He liked her. And the two were best friends, and then... then he met you. _God_, you have no idea just _how_ much he liked you, do you?" The blank but shocked look on Anissa's face was enough for Taryn to continue. "I can't explain what happened, but ... as soon as he was interested in you, he stopped hanging out with your sister. That's why they never said a word to each other, then, one day, they seemed hell-bent on keepin' you away from the other --"

The abrupt, loud, and quick sound of the door opening stopped Taryn from continuing, and, before she could stop herself, slapping a hand to her mouth.

Stumbling through the doorway was Alyssa and a (drunk) Shuyin draped over her shoulders. They were both drenched in rainwater, and incoherent words were spilling out of Shuyin's mouth.

The moment Alyssa spotted Anissa, she started backing away with an irritated glance to the side at Shuyin. But the instant they passed through the doorway, Shuyin's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell limp. After barely grabbing Shuyin around the ribs and pulling tighter on the arm over her shoulders, Alyssa looked up at the other two women in the room.

The look in her eyes could be desrcibed as informed. Instantly, Anissa knew that the subject of her and Taryn's conversation was found out. And that any questions, comments, or remarks about the boy obviously unable to speak for himself, would be shot down immediately.

_She fucking knows everything, _damnit.

When Alyssa gave Shuyin another look - one that lacked any emotion - Anissa suddenly realised that Taryn's words were true.

Alyssa had just never told her that the two of them were friends. Not because she was ashamed, or embarassed. But because she didn't want Anissa to feel like she'd done something wrong. And that was _exactly_ how Anissa felt at that moment.

_"And the two were best friends, and then... then he met you." _

-//-

The moment Anissa returned home - or returned to her mother's house, anyways - she forgot all about Shuyin and her sister. She forgot all of how her sister carried him to another room, waited two hours for him to wake up, and how Shuyin had quite literally _ran_ out the door when he saw the blonde. Not a single word to spare.

And she forgot all of the awkward and tension filled silence that had hung in the air between her sister and Taryn for the hour after Shuyin's abrupt departure. Hell, Anissa even forgot about the reason she chose to go back home (which had been a brief phone call from her mother asking of her whereabouts), when she saw _her_ standing at the door.

Anissa forgot about everything.

When she saw her face, all Anissa could think of doing was launch an extremely tight, and long hug.

_Her_ just so happened to be her best friend. Or ex best friend.

She had the same shoulder length brown hair; it was now wavy with curles and styled to the right of her face. The dimples in her tan cheeks were still there, and she was still at least two inches shorter than Anissa. But her voice was a pitch lower, and there was a distinctive light in her eyes that never left. The curves Anissa had always envied were even more apparent and visible.

_Rena._

A few shrieks, hugs, squeals, and laughs later, they sat facing each other on the couch, with their legs crossed indian style. Passing the drink back and forth between them, Rena (unfortunately for Anissa) mostly spoke of _The World._

Mostly spoke of Shi.

Mostly spoke of Shugo and Tengaki.

Of the time Anissa wanted to forget about.

After about twenty minutes of talking of things that neither of them liked and things that neither of them hated, the conversation shifted.

"So... How's Alyssa?" The tentative and cautious tone of Rena's voice caught Anissa off-guard. "I mean... I heard that she went to court a couple of times after the World, and was diagnosed with PTD because... of... yeah."

And Anissa had no clue what she was talking about. PTD? She didn't even know what the hell_ that _was, let alone whether her sister was diagnosed with it.

"Ok, ONE: What the hell is PTD? TWO: What do you _mean_ my sister was diagnosed with it? Alyssa wouldn't and doesn't have anything wrong with her. THREE: Why the hell would she have to go to court and not the rest of us?"

Rena wrapped her fingers together until her skin turned white, as a dawning look spread about her face. The expression told Anissa one thing - apparently, she wasn't _supposed_ to know anything about what Rena just spoke of. The whole five years they'd all been seperated, Anissa had been left out of the loop. That pissed her off, even though it hurt.

"Ok," Anissa demanded in a strict and hard voice, knowing damn well that she was wronged, "you're going to tell me _everything,_ damnit."

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i couldn't decide what i wanted to do for this chapter. 


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